Spontaneous Pregnancy Over 40 After Infertility And Moving To Childfree
After struggling with infertility and the rigors and complications of fertility treatments, my husband and I moved on to childfree...twice.How is that possible you ask? Well...after two cycles of IVF ending in miscarriage, I decided it was time to quit. Adoption wasn't an option for us...we couldn't handle another rollercoaster ride. So, we made peace with a childfree choice. But, it was almost like some kind of universal backlash, I kept running into and hearing stories about people getting pregnant (naturally) well into their 40's. No matter where I went or who I talked to, another story of pregnancy over 40 would always come up. I took this as a sign that it wasn't time to give up. That started me on my all natural journey and low and behold, I started getting pregnant on my own.
After three naturally conceived pregnancies and three miscarriages, at the age of 43, we decided again, maybe we need to really move on to childfree. It certainly is more empowering to make the decision rather than move into it unwillingly. I screamed, cried, stomped my feet, and after that, I actually felt better than I had in years. I told myself that life isn't made to order...maybe you really can't have everything you want in life. I made peace with my failure to have a baby.
So there I was...feeling quite content with myself, I had gone through the dark tunnel of infertility and came out the other side. I really did feel like the weight of the world had been taken off my shoulders. I was actually happy to start a new life, free of the rigors of monitoring every bodily function and every morsel that went into my mouth. We started to think about the future by making travel plans, buying a season ski pass, and realizing that we had so many choices even if we didn't have a baby. We finally came to the realization that you can lead a wonderful full life without the responsibilities that come with parenthood.
Two weeks later, I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, and the rest, as they say, is history. Hmmmmm....makes you wonder...did my tantrum help me conceive? Did I relax just enough to make it all come together? I do believe that if you want something in your life, you need to allow it in. Forcing things into place can backfire. Maybe I had to let go to succeed. It's kind of like when I can't get my daughter to come with me at the shopping mall...the more I chase her, the more she runs away. Once I stop, walk the other way, and pretend I'm going to leave without her, she comes running.
So, although I do believe in the power of positive thinking, it's possible that you need to find some outlet to rid yourself of the bad to make room for the good. Maybe a good scream and cry is in order. Perhaps making peace with the unthinkable could put you in a more receptive state of mind.